We are all grieving. Some of us are grieving loved ones who have died. Some of us are grieving with friends who lost loved ones. Loved ones who died alone in hospitals. Loved ones who are unable to be there for their father or mother’s funeral. Loved ones who are sitting shiva alone. Some of us are grieving life as we knew it. We are grieving stability. We are grieving structure. We are grieving family gatherings. Our children are grieving their activities. Their school day. Seeing their friends. Their routine. We are all grieving our rituals.
And as in all loss, we realize now that we never appreciated how good we had it. It is important to acknowledge how we are feeling. The tears. The frustration. The loss. The denial. You need to feel it in order to heal it.
Because we are all grieving together, who bears witness to our grief? Who is there to comfort us when we are so wrapped up in our own pain?
There is a parable about a man who enters the most beautiful dining room. It is set with long tables, draped in velvet clothes, china, crystal, with polished silverware at each place setting. There are garlands of flowers stretched from one end of the banquet table to the other end. The smells in the room are aromatic and pleasing, the man knows he will have a scrumptious meal. Then he looks around and the people in the room are skinny and shaking, they look miserable and he can see they are starving. Why is that so? As they try to eat, their spoons are so long they cannot fit them into their mouths--- in agony they smell the smells yet cannot capture any of the food.
The man enters the next room and there is the resplendent scene repeated but this time, there is laughter and gaiety--- he notices that everyone is using their long spoon---- to feed each other.
We have to be there for each other right now. We have to bear witness to our neighbors’ grief and be there for them, despite our own sense of loss and bewilderment.
This was a poignant podcast I heard between Brene Brown and David Kessler. I found myself nodding to so much of what they had to say. But then I listened again and thought about my own knowledge, my learning, and my DNA, and the meaning I take from all of this.
What if our grieving over life how it used to be is appropriate for now. But as GA opens up--- today the manicures and salons, the waxing appointments--- all opening their doors beckoning me inside-- and then other states follow suit, there is a deeper layer of grief that we need to be aware of.
This is the grief that is slowly washing over me, I feel it like a trickle, the trickle before the flooding rises, submerging me beneath its raging waters.
It was a mad rush into quarantine, yet to me, there was catharsis in being in it together with everyone. This morning as my texts pinged and my emails dinged announcing appointments available, in whatever the new normal looks like--- I sensed that once again I could become submerged in the BC, before Corona life.
My gut tells me that the real grief for humanity will be if we go back to all that was normal to us. If we go back to the toxicity of polluting our environments and the excess in materialism, to the human distractions and the family disconnection. If we go back to our long spoons, living only for ourselves.
We mustn’t. It will be compounding a tragedy.
Folks, be aware.
A tidal wave is coming. Are you strong enough to stand up to it?
I felt it come this morning.
I took a few deep breaths.
I put on my sneakers.
I ignored the pull back into the vortex and ran. I ran into nature and chirping birds. A bubbling brook.
The manicure can wait, so can the wax. The pedicure---- well that I will have to negotiate.
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Many of you are wondering how this will affect your kids. While I would be foolish to say that I know, I can share with you my own experiences in this type of situation when I was a child.
When I was 14 years old, SARS (similar to this coronavirus) broke out in my hometown of Hong Kong. I was studying abroad in NY at the time and being that it was the age before social media, I can be thankful that news didn't create the same viral sensation that it did today and therefore I wasn't panicked by the situation. However, the second thing that I am eternally grateful for is the way my parents addressed the situation with us kids.
In order to understand their position, let me tell you a little bit about Hong Kong. Hong Kong is a wonderful place to live. I thank G-d every day that I had the fortune to be born there. It is a wonderful city with an amazing family-like community. The only challenging part is that most of this community is made up of expats, and therefore a large percentage of them don’t have permanent roots there. So when an epidemic like this breaks out, most expats will pick up and go to their country of origin until it blows over. My family isn't in the same position. While we are American by nationality, my father serves as the Chief Rabbi of China, and therefore, he can't leave so long as people remain there. He was in a very tough spot needless to say, as most people packed out of China to wait this out in safe countries but enough Jews remained that it wouldn’t be right for us to follow suit.
Ironically, the timing of the main SARS outbreak was also right around Pesach. So here were my parents in a situation where they were in a city in the midst of a scary epidemic, yet with enough people still there that they didn’t feel right to leave, and then they had children studying abroad who they had to make a choice of whether to bring them home to this SARS hotbed for Pesach. They consulted a close family doctor, Dr. Eli Rosen from CH, and only with his blessing did they fly me and my brothers home for Pesach.
Yet when I look back at that Pesach, I don’t have any memories of fear, any memories of anxiety, any memories of panic. We were well aware that there was a dangerous virus lurking. We were well aware that most of our community had left because they didn't feel that safe. We saw how empty the shul was and the absence of guest by our normally crowded seder, but we didn't know that there was fear, we didn't know that there was worry about the future, we didn't know that adults were scared of the possibility of this spreading outside Hong Kong as well. This was because my parents only told us the facts we needed to know, the facts that they couldn't hide because it was clear to see. They didn’t share with us the struggle that they were going through, the worries that had nothing to do with us children.
It's only now, in recent years once I was in my late 20s did I learn how scary those times were in Hong Kong. How people feared their health, how people feared their future, how everyone in that community spend a long time, the months of the virus and afterwards as well, worried that Hong Kong wouldn't make it through this, that the international community that makes up the fabric of Hong Kong may be too scared to return.
When I look back at SARS I don’t remember fear. I remember prudence, I remember being somewhat isolated, but not fear, because kids don’t naturally fear. Kids naturally believe that all will be okay. We don't have to shatter that belief. In fact, one of the best long-term investments you can make now is staying strong through this, so that if they ever hit a major uncertainty in their adult life, they will have your example from now to look back at and use as their guiding light. Make sure they wear gloves, make sure they wash their hands, make sure they social distance, but when explaining to them why they are doing all this, don't scare them, don't show them the long-term worries that this is causing you. Finance are probably a worry as well for most of us but try to make sure your kids don't feel it on a frightening level. You don't need to buy them a million toys and tons of new clothes but try to make sure that they don't feel like there is suddenly no money in the house, be careful of how you word your choice to not buy something.
DISCLAIMER, please don’t spend money you don’t have, but try not to panic save and also just be careful how you discuss the new spending patterns in front of your kids.
One of my biggest lights at the end of the tunnel right now is to look back at SARS and see the growth that took place after. To remember how we focused less on the fear and more on the future, so while I can't tell you what your child is thinking, the only thing I can say is that the biggest gift my parents gave me 17 years ago was the calm and the trust in G-d that they faced SARS with. The example that they showed me then is the strength that I am living off right now.
]]>A couple months ago, I reached out to one my inspirations, Chavie Bruk of Montana to do a feature for us.
G-d definitely had some interesting plans in place, because right after I interviewed, a few unexpected things came up, and the interview got pushed to the side. However, I couldn't think of a better time for publishing this feature than now, as the feature was all about something that she has been doing way before it suddenly became so common around the world; entertaining her kids at home.
Chavie and her husband live in Boseman, Montana, where they run Chabad of Montana. While Montana is a picturesque town to live in, it can be very isolated (hot word now-a-days) and makes it very challenging to keep her kids entertained. Another factor that makes it even more challenging is that it snows for 7-8 months a year there, so sending them outdoors to run around isn't that easy either, so while weekday's tend to be fine since they are in school, weekends were something that had to be tackled smartly in order to be something to look forward to, not dreaded.
Here are some tips and tricks that she shared way before this virus broke out, that are probably more helpful now that ever. DISCLAIMER: These are tips that were shared in context of preparing for weekends only, however the principles can definitely help even with having to create your own schedule day in and day out.
I touched base with Chavie once she was safely quarantined in her home in Montana, they had had to cut short a family vacation in order to just get home and be safe. She said that now that it was full weeks to be planned rather than just Sundays, it's definitely way harder, and she finds herself struggling, like most of us. However, she is still trying to use these principals to create some form of structure and balance in her house.
With love from Quarantine in CH
Chiena
]]>Working with the orphanage made me feel so grateful for all that I have, as I got to know (through phone calls and pictures) the stories of these children. The simple joy that a new dress would give them was immense, it may have been the first time they received a new dress at all. Many of these children didn’t have a home, came from broken homes, or were missing a parent. The simple things in life were their light and we had so much that we could give them.
During a holiday in which we celebrate light over darkness and gift giving, we found it only fitting to continue sending them light. We decided to partner with our customers to give these children of Odessa a gift of Chanuka gelt. Their parents may not be around to give it to them, but this year, they will be getting Chanuka gelt from all of us.
For the entire Chanuka, Three Bows will be donating 10% of all sales made to the Children’s Orphanage of Odessa to distribute as Chanuka Gelt.
As we started to send clothing to the orphanage, we would receive pictures of the children smiling in their new outfits. Slowly, we began to hear their stories. There was Sasha who came from a broken home with an abusive mother, she came to the orphanage where she began to thrive. Through all the love and care they provided her with, she grew into a beautiful young girl. She met a boy in the orphanage and today they are married with a child.
Then there is Yula. When she arrived she couldn’t even talk. Her mother used to leave for work every day and lock her up in the house. Her mother sent her to the orphanage to wait while she prepared to make Aliyah. The Aliyah never panned out, and in the meantime Yula, under the care she has received in the orphanage, has just celebrated her Bas Mitzvah, and is a speaker of four languages; Russian, Ukrainian, Hebrew, and English.
Vlada came to the orphanage a very closed girl. They decided to send her to art therapy, and slowly, slowly she began to open up. Today she is loud and outgoing girl with lots of friends.
It’s all the small things that help them blossom and grow into the beautiful children that they are.
We received a text from C.W. shortly after they received a suitcase of dresses. She told us how that Shabbos the girls all went to shul so proud to show off their new dresses. While picking out dresses they kept exclaiming how much fun it was.
It taught us a lesson on how even the smallest things can make such a big difference to these children. It was this last conversation that inspired us to choose Odessa to give a gift to this Chanuka, so that these children will have just a little more light in their lives.
]]>So I started at the home of our number one best-seller which is known for comfort, The Camp Skirt. I visited our fabric supplier to see what fabric they would have that could carry the shape needed for boys pants. The result was a super heavy weight cotton jersey. If you felt it, it felt like a heavy tshirt, but on it looked just like a pair of twill pants. We changed out the poplin pockets for pockets of the same fabric (got to make it soft inside also), slimmed down the legs for a nice slim fit, and voila, we were ready to try it out. We thought it was pretty good, but our customers told us it was VERY good. Since we've introduced it to the line, whenever we run out, we have customers anxiously emailing us when they will be back in stock.
Every time a customer emails us telling us their son doesn't wear anything else, my heart sings.
It feels good to know that we hit the spot for those sensory boys.
]]>And yet, covering this fierce ball of determination is the cuteness of youth. She is still so small, says funny and goofy things, and will run into your lap and snuggle onto you out of the blue.
Our job is to encourage her dreams, boost her confidence, and whisper into herear "You can do it!" Don't let those cute appearances fool you. This child is onto something. Believe in her, and she will take you to great places.
Specerose here is looking cute and fierce in our Vegan Leather Kids Camp Skirt in Metallic Pink and our Ella Blouse in White. Don't let that sweet face fool you, she's going rock this world!
]]>The Asya dress was designed to be dressy enough for a party, but to also be comfortable enough and casual enough to wear on a regular Sunday when just a comfy camp skirt and t-shirt just wouldn't do (you know, you actually want to look dressed to impress).
We thought we did a pretty good job once the final piece was done, but then came the photoshoot, when Madison (center) put on this dress for the first time. "Can I have this dress please? I LOVE it!"
Thanks Madison. You just made our heart sing.
]]>I grew up in a semi-tropic country. We didn't have a fall. I don't think that I ever got my chance to jump in piles of leaves like my cousins back in the states. Yet it was always something that I dreamed of doing. It looked like so much fun. When shooting this scene, I finally got my chance.
Watching these girls fall in love with our comfy velour sets and just let loose as they jumped about piles of leaves, I felt as if I was that child, finding the greatest pleasure in the simple joys of nature.
]]>The Jersey pants are the ultimate pants for your boys. Made with a super soft fabric that is soft to the skin. Designed with a skinny cut and a true-to-size fit, they are ideal for dressy, school, and any celebration.
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The Drawstring dress has so many adorable details all in one dress. Boasting fine stitching down the skirt, an overlapping collar, and a drawstring waist - this dress will be lived in and loved.
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